Facing bankruptcy, the WNBA has announced a clever solution - reorganizing as a Somali daycare center. Headquarters of the WNBA will be located in a nondescript dirty old Minneapolis building, perfect for a Somali daycare. The players are already enjoying the benefits with team jets, furs, and new brass knuckles for games. As the giant stream of money does not require any children be cared for in the daycare or any fans present for the games, the players are calling it a win-win, mostly so they can say they won at something. The WNBA has announced its players are now making more money than the men, though half their income has to be sent to Somalia war lords and the other half has to go to reelect Democrats. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @rayatthebay.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Ilhan Omar's Parents Regret Telling Kids To Get Along @kirgol
Misgendered Cleveland Kid Lectures Wounded Tehran Protestor About Real Oppression @stankystankowicz
Tim Walz Celebrates Dropping Out By Coming Out @ruthiej714
Complete Psychopath Stocks Icy Hot Patches On Bottom Shelf @sirborsdeganys
Denmark PM Activates Trained Seals To Defend Greenland @uniquesheep
Tim Walz Informs Chinese Handlers He Has Been Made And Needs An Extraction @thebigfreeze
Demon Pleads With Satan To Possess Anyone Other Than A Sanctimonious Liberal White Woman @drconservativeprof
Jan 6thmas Patrons Perform The Traditional Moving Of The Pelosi Lectern @alola_rychu
Chinese Police Run Over Their Protesters, American Protesters Run Over Their Police @dontslowtheearth
Tampon Futures Plunge After Walz Drops Out Of Governor Race @gfanson
The Health Camp I've Been Looking For To Start My New Year: Health Camp Super Burgers & Shakes @littlejedi
Denmark Deploys Lego Navy To Defend Greenland @johnisadoc
Real Food Replaces Soylent Green And Ozempic In Revamped Food Pyramid @annafillaxis
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Maduro Calls ICE On Himself To Get Back Home @westland619
Trump Orders Strategic Dropping Of Thomas Sowell Books Over NYC @drconservativeprof
Checkmate: Maduro Claims That As President He Has 'Absolute Immunity' @realschlemiel
Marco Rubio Revealed To Be 3 Marco Rubios In A Trenchcoat @ironsakura
Family Watches All 3 Deadpool Movies On VidAngel In 7 Minutes @the_jurgen
Bankrupt WNBA To Reorganize As A Profitable Somali Daycare Center @rayatthebay
Husband Given Participation Trophy For Birth Of First Child @jbaker
Trump Turns Eyes To Kamchatka @baberahamlincoln
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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