In a troubling turn of events, Democratic lawmakers who fled Texas to prevent a vote on something or other have been accidentally eaten by Illinois Governor JB Pritzker, who happened to be very hungry at the time. While sad for their family and friends, this is actually convenient for Texas Governor Abbott as he didn't really like those particular state House representatives anyway. Pritzker has apologized to Texas Democrats, explaining that he was exceptionally hungry when they showed up and he hopes everyone will understand, and also asking "What difference, at this point, does it make?" But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (title headline by @thyseattle)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Chick-fil-A Opens New Restaurant In Canada: Chick-fil-Eh? @twoplus2ischicken
Dollar General Releases First Copies Of Kamala's New $1 Book @ruthiej714
Wife Asks Husband If Her Jeans Make Her Look Like Sydney Sweeney @dontslowtheearth
Guy Whose Job It Is To Predict Inflation Says He Can't Predict Inflation, But Should Keep Job @lpathehuman
CNN Announces White Gunman Action Figure @coachjoeconway
Kamala Harris Reveals The Working Title For Her Next Book: 107 Proof @njhokie84
Trump Gives The End Of Democracy An Additional 30 Days @gfanson
DNC Blames Russian Vodka Interference For Harris' Political Downfall @eversong
Hegseth Orders All Personnel To Wear Sydney Sweeny America Eagle Pants To Combat Wokeness @thebigfreeze
YouTube Changes Name To YouAd @mathyousee
Comic-Con Attendee Brags About Being In The Same Room As A Woman @drconservativeprof
Couple Dismayed Successful Parenting Leads To Kids Leaving Them @priehle
Stay-At-Home Mom Announces Her Retirement, Looks Forward To Spending Less Time With Family @leecory
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
In Wake Of Tragic NYC Shootings, NFL Announces "Don't Shoot Us" Will Appear In All End Zones This Season @coachjoeconway
30-foot Russian Tsunami Reduced To Harmless 3-foot Swell After Trump Applies 90% Tariff @toothpick
Israelites Complain Again, Asking For Chick-fil-A Sauce With Their Quail @farnorth
Harris Abandons Race For Governor After Aides Say It Might Require Winning An Election @rehovallenby
Men Mutually Encouraged After Conversation Consisting Entirely Of Grunts @farnorth
Trump Indicted For Dereliction Of Duty By Not Colluding With Russia @execglobal
Trump To Replace PBS With InfoWars @gfanson
Texas Dems Fleeing Redistricting Vote Eaten By Illinois Governor Pritzker @thyseattle
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Local Man Expecting Wellness Check From Amazon As Wife Has Not Placed An Order For A Week @zalewskier
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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