No, friends, this is not satire.
From the BBC on Thursday, October 2, in the Year of Our Lord 2025:
The British Transport Police (BTP) says it will not investigate bike thefts outside stations where the bicycle has been left for more than two hours.
It means most bike thefts will not be investigated and CCTV footage will not be looked at outside a two-hour timeframe.
To prevent bike thefts, which have skyrocketed, British authorities have installed "safe storage" units at train stations that lock bicycles into steel frames.
How do they do that?
Easy!
Battery-powered saws!
Lighters and screwdrivers also work for light chains.
Sometimes, however, thieves don't have any tools handy when they see a bike they'd like:
The British police say they have bigger things to worry about, so they aren't going to do anything about stolen bikes anymore.
The BTP said: 'The more time our officers spend reviewing CCTV... the less time they have available for patrolling railway stations and trains, investigating crimes which cause the most harm.'
It starts with bikes. What other crimes will the British police deem too unimportant for their attention?
Simon Feldman has had one bike taken already from outside Watford Junction station and an attempt was made recently to steal another.
He informed the BTP, which told him officers would not investigate the theft - which happened while he was on shift in London - as he had left the bike at the station for 10 hours.
'The BTP report came back after I reported it and it said they wouldn't investigate it. Even though it's right under a camera. And I found out that if you have left your bike for more than two hours, they won't investigate it,' he said.
A good bike might cost a few hundred British pounds. A really nice bike - the kind that avid cyclists like - might cost a few thousand. If they know their bikes are just going to be stolen, will they bother buying nice bikes anymore? Will they bother biking at all?
What happens to the bicycle industry in the UK when no one is buying bikes anymore? What about all the coffee shops, patisseries, parks, and other little shops that bike commuters regularly frequent?
Mr Feldman said most secure parking was next to useless.
'Lots of people across the country cycle to a station every day and their possessions aren't being looked after. They're not safe. Hundreds of thousands of pounds are being thrown into secure bike parking and it isn't secure,' he said.
Tom Fyans of the London Cycling Campaign said this:
Many victims of theft in the capital just stop cycling.
Meanwhile, it is illegal to say mean words on the internet in the United Kingdom. Judges may throw you into jail for two years for posting Facebook comments or memes.
Never mind the memes though: You could also be arrested for asking people to speak English in England 👇
P.S. Now check out our latest video, featuring Kirk Cameron 👇
